The reality of this myth is that there is only one person responsible for your quality of life and that’s you. It is the easiest thing in the world to lay blame on any and everything because you haven't got the job you or the relationship you want. It's also easy to justify your non action in going out and getting the things you want e.g "they would never pick me for that job anyway so what’s the point of trying", or "it's obvious she would turn me down if I asked her out so why bother".
We have become almost conditioned to blame others for the things we don’t have parents (it's in my genes), family, friends, spouse, weather, star sign - just about anyone but us.
If you want to create the life of your dreams you have to be prepared to give up all excuses, all thoughts of laying blame with others, all the ways of justifying why you do nothing to help yourself. These kind of thoughts and feelings must be banished forever.
You may as well realise it now, you have always had the power to make a difference in your life. There is not one problem or hard luck storey you have that someone somewhere else has not had and overcome it to produce a positive result.
Who knows why you have not succeeded in the past? It may have been fear of trying, lack of knowledge or awareness, ignorance of a situation, whatever it was thats in the past, you cant change it and it wont take you forward if you keep living there.
The main thing now is to choose to be the solution to everything in your life. That means you choose to act as if you are responsible for everything that does or does not happen in your life. No one else just you! From now on you are the master of your own destiny.
There is a great formula that describes how 100% responsibility works. It is this E + R = O (Event + Response = Outcome). The idea is that any event that has happened in your life that has resulted in success or failure (outcome is directly related to your response at the time.
You can blame any event for your poor outcome. You can blame your boss, the car, the weather your tools your golf clubs, race, lack of education, just about anything you can think of. On the other hand you could simply change your response (R) to the event (E) until you get the outcome (O) you desire.
If everyone gave up because they did not get the outcome they wanted first time around we would not have the myriad of products that resulted from inventions that endured numerous failures before eventually being successful.
You decide how much and what you eat, how much TV you watch, how much or little time you spend on educating yourself, what you read, who you socialize with and how you use your time. If you are prepared to act as if you are responsible for everything in your life then you will soon realise that you can determine your own path to the things you really want, the job, the relationship etc.
If what you are currently doing was going to get you what you really wanted it would have arrived by now. The fact it hasn’t means you need to do something else (different response) to get the outcome (O) you desire. Be wary of hanging around with moaners, blamers and people who generally have a cup half full mentality as it will rub off on you.
You will never have success while you continue to blame someone else for your lack of it. After all you are more than happy to recognise when a decision you made came off or turned out better than expected so take responsibility for the ones that didn’t.
Replace negative with positive, can't with can, wont with will, probably with definitely. The moment you accept that you are responsible for what you are going to get out of life it removes all the chance, the doubt the what ifs and maybes because now its in your control.
Take a good look at your life write down all the areas that you would like to make changes in e.g. Health, Emotional, Spiritual, Money, Family/Social, Vocation, Self Development, Partner. When you have done this write down what you would really like in the ones you have chosen then consider what, you would need to do to achieve the result (outcome) you desire. What does your (response) need to be?
Try it, you will feel so much better for taking positive action and in a short while you will see that it becomes the only way you want to live your life. You will gradually become an action taker (remember there’s nothing like action for getting things done) and wonder why you spent so many years waiting for things to just materialize when with a bit of effort you could have made them happen yourself.
Len Foster is a certified Life Coach based in the West Midlands in the UK and the director of New-Horizons Coaching. Whilst he coaches generally he specializes in applying coaching to help individuals meet the requirements of company appraisals and apply information learned from training in the workplace to optimize performance. You can visit Len at www.new-horizonscoaching.com or contact him on len@new-horizonscoaching.com "helping ordinary
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